The thing with motherhood that no one really prepares you for, or at least no one prepared me for, is the guilt. All of a sudden your life revolves around this tiny person’s whose entire world can come crashing down in a simple single moment. That’s an enormous amount of pressure for anyone. And it only gets worse too. We’re tiptoeing around toddlerhood and suddenly the day can balance on which cup we drink our water from. So when her world is ending, whats happening to my world? Because, hello, she is my world.
It’s taken me a long time to be able to leave bad days in the past and put them to bed when we go to bed. I often hang onto those moments of imperfection and impatience and those minutes where I just fell short of the mum that I want to be. The guilt from that is seriously heavy.
Being a mum means literally having your heart walk outside of your body. I agonize over every decision, even things that aren’t really decisions at all. People talk about the pressure on mums in today’s world and I agree. But honestly, for me, the biggest pressure is what I put on myself. How can you not when our babies are so precious?
But the other amazing thing about motherhood is that no matter what; no matter how much you think you failed, no matter how many tears you think you could have pre-empted or prevented, your baby still wakes up in the morning and thinks you’re the most amazing mum in the world. It’s like a constant do over. She doesn’t care if you were impatient or stressed or both. Because you are her safe place, her comfort and ultimately, you are her world too.
So if yesterday was less than great it doesn’t really matter because every morning is a fresh start to try again. And again and again. And in our house that means smoothies in bed before 7. Just sayin’ 😉