I’m a little late on this post, as officially my third trimester started a few weeks back, but we’ve been really manic with one thing and another. The fact I’m writing it before baby is here is somewhat an accomplishment anyway. Christmas is just a week away, and we always knew that after that it would just be the race to meet our little one. At the same time someone who was six weeks ahead of me has had her little bundle already, which brings it all home that we are so close to meeting our bub. Throw in some new born cuddles at a baby and toddler group we go to, to remind me just how tiny these babies actually are, and I am so ready for this little one! My heart is ready. Our house, stress levels and bank account likely aren’t, but my heart is so so ready to welcome him or her earth side.
I can’t really imagine life as four. I am fully expecting to feel completely overwhelmed and out of my depth every day for a good few years. I’m already dreading my first time doing a night on my own with two little sleep theifs. And how I’l manage a cluster feeding new born with a fire cracker toddler. And how witching hour will co-inside so infamously with dinner, bath and bed time. But it doesn’t completely terrify me as it probably should; we’ll cope because we have to, and everything will find its way. Here are a few things I honestly can not wait for though, and picturing those moments has me wishing time away, something I try so hard not to do.Bringing baby home, and waking up for the first time as ‘four’. I can see Elin coming sleepily into our bed at 5am with her dolly, and snuggling down for a cheeky extra cuddle before the day really starts. We watch cartoons and eat cheerios and generally doze and cuddle. Except, that morning, we will have a brand new little person to soak up the family bed with. E is so kind, gentle and tender with all the little babies she meets, carefully pointing out their nose, hat and feet with such precision and every time it melts me. I’m not ready to have her do those things with her own sibling.Changing new born nappies where the baby stays where its put. Not chasing around a crawling child, removing her own nappy and wearing her tights on her head. Just my toddler? Didn’t think so!New born feeds! Elin was so big and grown when she weaned at gone 18 months. I miss her nursing sometimes but I’m so proud and glad we achieved self weaning, even if it was bought about with pregnancy. We reached such a happy end and Elin was emotionally ready which is massively important for me. But the idea of nursing again, and nursing such a tiny, helpless new born is something I can not wait for! i really hope our journey begins a little smoother than Elin’s, but I’m so confident in my body and full of knowledge I feel ready for all those challenges that may come. Its such an empowering feeling! To be able to solve any problem, and fix their little worlds just by nursing, and just soaking up all those cuddles and that closeness, is something I can not wait to experience again.Our first walk into he village as four, just celebrating being together. Elin is obsessed with going to the shop. She asks to ho about 6 times a day, she loves it. Our days are mostly pretty simple, feed the ducks, go to the park, collect pebbles at the beach, pop to the bakery. Its nothing really, but those little moments make up everything too. So to experience that all together (especially as James will actually be taking paternity leave this time around!) is something I can not wait for. And that elation you feel after having your baby where you just want to shout about how perfect things are because LOOK WHAT YOU MADE; living in such a small village where everyone supports you, helps that feeling come to life a bit more. It doesn’t last nearly long enough, but I can’t wait to feel it, and make those tiny things, the big things, during our first outing as four.Seeing Daddy cuddle his two babies! My heart may well explode.
Windy smiles. Because they are the most fleeting, perfect and heart warming thing in this world!
Baby feet. There is nothing better than baby toes. And that new born smell! And a tiny hand gripping just one of your fingers. You get where I’m going with this!My expectations are pretty low- expectations for the babe, for myself and for any semblance of a normal and calm life, but the joy I’m feeling just in anticipation of these little moments, reminds me that everything will be perfectly, imperfectly fine. I just can not wait to see how it all unfolds and how life finds a new sort of balance. I have no doubt this baby will change our worlds upside down all over again, but I honestly can not wait.